Bengal Tiger Misery, Nellie The Ship’s Cat

Duke & Daisy have it rough in Peurto Vallarta, Northwest Mexico…

Dear Nellie

We’ve heard stories about you fixing things for cats. Well does that mean you can fix stuff for all cats, cats like us?

Me and my sister, we’re two Bengal tigers and we’ve been held prisoners for nearly ten years now in a Mexican zoo. We gotta get outta here coz we’re going crazy. We just sit around all day in this miserable stinking hole whilst holiday making folk in their fancy hats just stand there staring at us with their stupid smiles. Both of us find it demeaning and it’s not what we’re supposed to do, we’re the top-notch of all cats and we got serious historic breeding inside us.

Me, one day I’m surely gonna get outta here but I’m worried about my sister…

You’ve gotta help us. I realise you might be shocked that two tiger cats are writing to you, that you might be frightened incase cats like us would rather consume you than hustle you for your kind assistance. Looking at your ship’s picture you do look kinda appetising, both me and my sister agreed on that, but you gotta put that aside. We’re at the end our tether and we gotta get something sorted.

We got kidnapped too, just like yourself so we’re kinda on the same street as it were. I don’t wanna go into the pain of what happened ten years ago, I believe in not crying over spilt-milk but my sister Daisy here, she don’t think like that. We’ve been here too long now and she’s on the edge of going crazy. Man, I think if I don’t get her outta here soon then she’s gonna die all spoozy on me in this stinking hot hotel zoo. She ain’t got the will no more, she just lies there panting all day in the sun and some days she doesn’t even eat. Nellie, I’m getting too much weight on just finishing her food.

Daisy ain’t got that long so you gotta help. We need a plan, some sorta diversion or something. We heard you was in town, down there in the harbour someplace and you’re the kinda girl that can sort stuff. I heard rumours you were a boy-cat but then you changed things, if you can fix that then you’re the cat we been looking for. If you’re down there in the harbour then you surely got some contacts and we wanna go to Africa to see out our days. We don’t want any of that repatriation to Bengal shit, man we wanna go to Africa.

So tell us what you can up with little Nellie, we’ll pay you something but we ain’t got much. We’re both tiger cats and don’t carry that much cash.

Duke & Daisy, Paradise Village Zoo, Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. July 2018

 


 

Dear Duke

Well, you sure threw me with this one. Last night I was thinking about your situation and your problem basically breaks down into two parts, first the state of your sister Daisy’s mind and then this thing about you both wanting to escape to Africa. Guys, I’m really proud of you and I wanna tell you that I can help you on both counts… but you’ve somehow gotta get together some cash. You also gotta sign some declarations that I’m gonna be safe with you two marauding brutes around.

It’s nice to meet other cats who understand the pain of being kidnapped. When I was kidnapped I was only a little kitty way too young to leave her mom, it all happened in the middle of the night when there was thunder and lightening and screams and sobbing but I somehow found the strength and courage to endure. Now I’m a measly ship’s cat and my day job isn’t that good, but me and my Mexican sisters’ve got this little sideshow business going helping other cats and we really enjoy doing that, we’re making some money to escape back to England so we’ve got plenty in common with the two of you.

First, let me tell ya you gotta be there for your sister Daisy. My sisters in England weren’t bothered one bit about me when I got kidnapped so you gotta realise how painful kidnapping can be. Does Daisy ever talk to you? Do you have the kinda relationship that family siblings should always have? That’s where you gotta start things Duke, only when you and Daisy can talk heart to heart can you then look under the proverbial stone to see what’s hurting her. My guess, from my own terrible experiences, is that captivity and a complete lack of family love is messing with her mind, maybe you’re not helping much with that Duke? And I think I could truly go deeper, but I know you’re holding things back and you’re not telling me everything are you? Why don’t you write in again and tell me the awful secret?

Now, getting you to Africa is gonna be much simpler than sorting Daisy’s messed up mind. I got contacts down in the harbour but it’s gonna cost ya. First we gotta break you out which ain’t gonna be easy, two full grown tigers running loose around a four-star beach resort is gonna cause some issues. It’s not that much of a problem making a diversion, we just gotta mess around with the restaurant’s food to do that but that cage of yours is sure something right there in the middle of the resort. But my friends down in the harbour there are working on a plan that’ll get you out, they’re a shady crew but you gotta live with that, neither of you are in a good position to be choosy even if you are the kings of all cats. But look, everyone here is worried about you, also about when you get hungry so we need to deal with that.

But me and my sisters wanna concentrate on getting Daisy fixed first. We don’t wanna cannibal tiger cat with emotional problems hanging around all unrestrained… well anything could happen if things went all wrong and out of control. So how’s about you telling me everything Duke including what happened ten years ago, about your mom and dad and how you both somehow survived those difficult years together just the two of you. I suspect it’s not just Daisy who has problems, some other Bengal tiger has emotional stuff in his head too.

You gotta write to me quick now, Africa isn’t too far away. The wildebeest on the Serengeti are plentiful this year, I’m told it’s gonna be a rare vintage year and you’d be crazy to miss out.

So please write in and this time don’t hold back, I promise I’ll be there for you… and could you also include how you’re gonna pay?

Nellie The Ships Cat

July 2018

Read more of Nellie The Ship’s Cat, the only Feline Agony Aunt who makes a difference…

And if you’ve got a sticky feline problem that needs fixing, just you write in to Nellie Cat.


Reply from Duke

Boy, you gotta read this. This is one seriously mixed up Bengal Tiger…

Read Dukes Reply   July 2018


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