Nellie the ship’s cat

Eric from Hawaii has a bad language problem…

Dear Nellie,

I hope you don’t mind me contacting you from Hawaii. 

I’m moored in the harbor down there in Honolulu and the sailboat tied right up next to me has a charming ship’s kitty named Barney who’s not very old. They also have a delectable little six year old daughter who’s name it’s best that I don’t divulge.

The little girl follows her father around like a sticky shadow whilst he’s working maintenance on their boat but I’ve noticed she’s picking up her father’s habit of using bad language whenever a boat job goes wrong. This in itself wasn’t too bad to begin with but lately I’ve noticed things are getting much worse. She’s constantly playing with their adorable Barney, which is no bad thing but yesterday I was lying on my bunk with the window hatch open and I happened to hear my neighbour’s young daughter using language to the kitty that a little girl of six really shouldn’t use…

I didn’t have the heart to get her into trouble with her mom and pop so I decided that I could perhaps resolve this problem myself. So the next day when she followed Barney aboard my own sailboat I told her that she’d been heard using bad language that’s not right for a charming little girl with curly pigtails to use. She looked at me all horrified, her eyes welled up and I really thought she might cry.

She begged me not to tell her father, then implored me between tears to tell her how I knew. I didn’t want the little mite to think I’d been spying on her so said that little Barney had told me. She looked at me all exasperated and cried…

“Noooo! And I’ve just fed the little bastard.” 

I hope you can give me some good advice Nellie.

Eric, Honolulu, Hawaii August 2018


Dear Eric

We are still laughing, our friendly veterinary Mildred is rolling on the floor. But seriously, you are doing the right thing to write in, poor Barney shouldn’t have to suffer that rough talk no matter how old that little girl might be.

What concerns me though is why you think Barney would snitch on that little girl and tell tales. We cats never do that, we always keep strum but admit we do have a liking for gossip. You can’t go around using Barney as your barn door, regardless of whatever your good intentions might be.

If you wanna stop that little girl using bad language then me and my sisters are a little divided on that score. There’s two schools of thought here, one is that you wash her mouth out with soap and the other is that you have a quiet word with her mom. You don’t wanna ruin that little girl’s love for her dad, there’s no doubt she worships him like a horse and you telling him that she uses the same foul language that he does is sure-fire gonna cause trouble. So leave it to her mom to sort, it’s their family issue and it’s hardly gonna cause a divorce.

As for Barney he could end up piggy-in-the-middle. You’re gonna have to make it up to him now that you’ve got him into trouble. How about plenty of kitty treats with lots of friendly attention? That’s something I myself crave since I got landed on this stinking ship, being a kidnapped cat myself it makes me appreciate those little things that make a cat’s life a little more bearable.

I hope all this helps honey. And I hope that bastard loud-mouthed Barney gets to mend his relationship with that little girl.

Nellie The Ship’s Cat

August 2018

Read more of Nellie The Ship’s Cat, the only Feline Agony Aunt who makes a difference…

And if you’ve got a sticky feline problem that needs fixing, just you write in to Nellie Cat.

If you wanna receive regular Nellie The Ship’s Cat Feline Agony Aunt blogs like this, genuine feline problems every one, then click the Follow Nellie button thing down there on the bottom left. It’s all free, you don’t have to sign up to WordPress, just register with your email address.

Like and share my Facebook Page, you’ll get to hear about more great stuff as things go by. We seriously need the social media traffic.