Two down and three to go, can you help save these desperate little Moggies…?
We’re collectively writing to you because we’re so desperate, I’m the spokes-cat for my two little sisters, two brothers and me. My name’s Nibbles, I’m slightly the oldest of we five kittens and we heard about you from one of the other farmyard cats hereabouts.
The terrible news is there’s only three of us now, we live on a sheep farm up in Cumbria and we lost our mom in a tractor accident a few weeks by. Now we are left to fend for ourselves. The old farmer up here put us in a cardboard box and stuck us in his barn saying we’d have to look after ourselves, telling us he was too busy with all the sheep on his farm. The farmer brings us food now and then, then we got suckled a day or two by another mom though she left coz she was only passing through. The other two farmyard cats here bring us a mouse sometimes, but not very often so by sticking together we just about get by.
Our problem Nellie is foxes. There’s a gang of foxes up by the culvert there and they’ve got a nose on us knowing we’re all helpless living here in our cardboard box…
I said to you before we were five and now we are only three. Little Runny Nose got took first, he’s the one on the far left in the picture and he and I got along just fine. I miss him terribly so much, we’d play all day together in the hay barn until we got all exhausted then we’d go and find our mom. It all then happened only two weeks ago, Runny Nose tried ever so hard to defend us that dark rainy night but he was way too little to fight off those two foxes and he got took.
Only five nights later the foxes came back, it was thundering and lightening and we heard them coming through the loose planking in the crumbling back wall. There’s a hole low down near floor, right by the old rusting hay-cutter and those foxes came right through just there. We huddled together all frightened and shivering knowing they would come and sure enough they knew straightaway where we were. We all four leaped out of our cardboard box to run for the barn door, but little Floppy Ears, she’s the one second from right in the picture, she was too slow with her gammy leg and the horrible foxes, they got her.
I’m in the middle of the picture Nellie and now there’s only Tell Tale, Spoogle and me. We’re desperate for some kind lady to help us coz the farmer here isn’t too concerned, he says he loses sheep every day to ‘them bastard foxes’ and sheep are the ones that buys his food. Sure, we might well survive to become farmyard cats but those horrid foxes are sniffing around all the time, knowing we’re all three so helpless and shaking with shivering fear.
Can you help us Nellie? Can you find some kind old lady who’ll take us all three? We’d like to stay together if we can coz we’ve suffered so much, but if we can’t then somehow we’ll find a way to get by.
Nibbles, Top Peak Farm, Cumbria. August 2018
This is the most awful cat story I’ve heard in weeks. We’re swinging into action here, don’t you worry about that. I feel so helpless stuck here on this stinking ship way down in Mexico heading for Guatemala, your pain reminds me so much of that black stormy night I myself got kidnapped.
But we got contacts back there in England. Our friendly veterinary Mildred knows another veterinary who’s cousins get involved in cat rescue, it’s a bit like a SWAT team but a little bit different. We’re sure gonna get you outta there before those foxes get a nose on you again.
In the meantime ain’t there a sheepdog around someplace who can just help you out? I mean, they’re miserable old gits sometimes but some of em ain’t too bad. Promise the dog something nice, dogs are suckers for stuff like that or you could even learn to do that sheepdog whistle. If all three of you could learn to do that for a short time to get a pesky sheepdog around on your side, then those dirty foxes just aren’t gonna hang around.
Nibbles – if those foxes do come back before we get to you then you gotta tell us, finding a kind old lady to take two cats is a bit easier than taking three.
Note to Kind Old Ladies
If you’re a Kind Old Lady then we need you. You’ve gotta have grey hair but that’s not too essential, a blue-rinse is just as good. On the Kind Old Lady Scale you’ve gotta rate over 83%, if it’s over ninety then it’s even better but there ain’t so many of you old folk around anymore with numbers like that. If you’re a little younger without grey hair yet then please write in and we’ll consider you.
But you greyheads gotta ACT NOW. These three little kittens ain’t gonna last much longer with those foxes around and me and my sisters want to get things moving. If you’ve ever been threatened by foxes then you’ll appreciate just how bad this is.
Look ladies, we know you’re out there sitting around doing your knitting and watching daytime TV, but you’ve now got the chance to make something of yourself and rescue three desperate little Kitties. From the very first day you’ll feel so much younger and far more blessed.
We’re even gonna discount our Kitty Finders Fee – you know, knock a little bit off the top. Don’t widen those eyes of yours now, we gotta eat too you know and I gotta get back to England.
If you wanna get on our SWAT team that’s gonna be heading up to Top Peak Farm then just tell us straightaway in those comment boxes below. Me or one of my sisters will get back to you with dress code and an application form from Mildred, but you gotta have proof you’re a Kind Old Lady now. If you’ve got good numbers then why not boast about it?
C’mon you greyheads, ACT RIGHT NOW!
Save those three little Kitties. It’s a race against time.
Nellie The Ship’s Cat
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