Why don’t you tell me your secrets…

Hello! I don’t know who you are but me, I’m called Nellie. That’s what they call me anyway. They used to call me Nelson, but I went five times to see that veterinary in the white coat an’ now they all call me Nellie. I’m supposed to be the ship’s cat.

Well, I don’t wanna be the ship’s cat, I wanna be your friend. This ship’s too small, it stinks, it stinks of grease an’ oil, sometimes I don’t even know what’s happening. I don’t think anyone on this bucket-ship knows what’s happening. The floor on this ship moves around too much, I get all wobbly on my legs. I get seasick, trust me, listen, it’s not easy being a ship’s cat. My job is to catch vermin an’ things like that, but I don’t even like vermin, I hate vermin, have you ever tasted vermin…? If you’re a cat reading this then you seriously don’t wanna be a ship’s cat.

Let me tell yer this… me an’ some other ship’s cats who don’t wanna be ship’s cats, we got together because we don’t get paid no wages. Now we’re cat’s feline agony angels – coz there’s loads of you cats out there who’ve got cat problems, just like we have. Me an’ these other ship’s cats, we solve cat problems to make some money, so I can get off this floating scrap-heap back to where I came from.

First, I gotta tell yer how bad my life is being a ship’s cat, when you know how I’m suffering then you’ll see why I can help you, why you can always trust me. If you help me then I can help you, if you scratch my back then I’ll scratch yours…

Read more of my terrrrrrrrible story….


No cats were harmed when I made this website. An’ please think of the environment, it’s the only one we got! An’ don’t use those electronic cat-scarers in your garden.