The Ship’s Cat

Feline Agony Angels

Steady Eddie or The Lure of Fresh Fish? — 2020-07-01

Steady Eddie or The Lure of Fresh Fish?

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Pebbles from Coventry is worried! Paul or new man Tim… who seems to mysteriously disappear…


Dear Nellie Cat

Hoping you or one of your angels can help me – you see I’ve got myself into a bit of a situation and I don’t know what to do.

I’ve been with my owner Eddie for three years and in the beginning it was great, he was affectionate, always checking I was happy, buying me little gifts – nothing was too much trouble for my comfort. But gradually, over the years, he seems to care less and less. He was almost taking me for granted. There’s not so many belly rubs, I get those cheap brands of food from discount stores and the gifts have all but dried up.

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So I Got Myself A New Job… — 2018-09-16

So I Got Myself A New Job…

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How me an’ my friends became incredible Feline Angels…

Did you know I tried to find myself a good London lawyer, one who could help me get paid some wages? Well, I found one who said she wouldn’t rescue me, but would legally advise me. Then my friend, the Mexican dustbin cat, told me to be careful, he said I’d get something called a bill, he said it could even be a rich London lawyer’s bill.

So my new London lady lawyer, who is rich an’ simply adores me, said the way words are written in my cat contract are quite important – then she said I’d been tricked, as well as kidnapped, she said that ship’s cats don’t have any rights. Nothing! No proper rights at all! How’s that for injustice eh?

I got all upset an’ started crying, my Mexican friend consoled me saying now was a good time for me to think about having his kittens…

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I Need A Good Lawyer… — 2018-07-21

I Need A Good Lawyer…

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I’ve got a small employment problem…

Do you know a good lawyer?

Mexican cats make adorable friends. I’ve met one, he’s a handsome cat, he lives near the dustbins. He knows loads, he tells me I’m bein’ robbed, that I should get myself a lawyer. I like him a lot, he tells me that one day he wants me to have his kittens, he’s all the time going on about that. My Mexican friend tells me lots of other things too – like, I should be paid the national minimum wage, an’ he thinks I’m being treated like a slave.

Did you know there’s a minimum wage here in Mexico an’ it’s eighty-eight Pesos a day? I didn’t know this until my adorable Mexican friend told me. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a national minimum wage or even what a national minimum wage is. An’ NOW I’ve found out that, back there in England, the national minimum wage for a cat is three pounds an’ seventy an hour. Do you believe this? Did you know this? Me, on this ship, I don’t get paid any wages.

I don’t get paid nothin’, nothin’ at all, I have to work all day an’ every day just to get my terrible food.

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Mollie, The Moggie From Manchester… — 2018-07-18

Mollie, The Moggie From Manchester…

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Mollie, the Moss Side Moggie has a terrible dilemma…

Dear Nellie

You have to know I’m desperate, I don’t know what to do. Now I am four years old, a lone female moggy-cat living on the streets ever since my owner lost his job. He said he could no longer afford to keep me, and that I must quickly go. It took a while for me to realise I wasn’t loved anymore, the first sign was when I was let out the apartment one nighttime without my food, then told to go find my own. Often, I had to sit outside the door waiting to be let in, usually in the cold pouring rain when sometimes I would sit in the shelter of the dustbins until daylight. I never found much food outside because I’ve always been an indoor cat, I don’t have those hunting instincts like other cats – when I did catch a mouse or a little insect, nearly every time they escaped. Other cats laughed because I was so bad.

As time went by, I got so hungry, I chewed my own tail…

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How To Smuggle Your English Cat Into Mexico… — 2018-07-12

How To Smuggle Your English Cat Into Mexico…

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“Why bring a cat all the way from England,” the Mexican Customs & Immigration guy asked, “there’s already ten million cats in Mexico to choose from.” I explained that Mexican cats could only speak Mexican… which would be of no use to us at all because we only spoke English. He nodded and excepted my explanation before waving us away, worryingly unconcerned. Dave.

I can’t remember who made the original decision, I think it was me. It must have been me if I think about it now, because I suggested to both Marie and Henry that we should have a ship’s cat, one that was grey to match the colour decor of our boat. It was a joke of course, I never expected either of them to take it seriously… but you should never make jokes like that around a pair of dedicated cat lovers.

Almost immediately I was inundated with internet links to cuddly little grey kittens. Dozens of them from all around the UK, from Inverness in Scotland to someplace I’d never heard of way off in Cornwall. Before I could say ‘Yikes, here comes Officer Dibble’ both Marie and Henry singled out a really cute looking male down in Ramsgate, a harbour town on the south coast of England… a very nice little sea port but quite a long distance to travel. Henry argued that with Ramsgate being a harbour and close to the sea any cat from there would already have its sea legs, which was a vague argument in which I did see some logic. Marie disagreed entirely, but she just wanted to cuddle a little grey kitten sitting on her lap.

So off we travelled down to Ramsgate… just to take a look of course because I already knew this was a really stupid idea…

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