The Ship’s Cat

Feline Agony Angels

Cabbages & Carrots — 2020-08-24

Cabbages & Carrots

Cabbage & Carrots, Nellie The Ship’s Cat

Hammy From Norfolk’s Stinky Cabbages…

Dear Nellie Cat,

You’re a cat, you tell me how I keep my neighbour’s three moggies out of my cabbages. Next door’s cats are in my garden all the time, shitting and pissing all over the place making it stink, they’re killing my green beans. I’m no lover of cats or those dogs, I’ve been putting up with this for nearly ten years, countless times I’ve argued with my neighbours but he’s seven-foot four and I’m only a bit over five foot. My wife says I’m paranoid, because all day I’m staring out our window waiting for those moggies to appear amongst my lettuces – and sure enough there they are.

So you tell me, what’s the best way to stop those cats killing my carrots.

Hammy Hambrook, Norfolk. August 2020

Continue reading
Bengal Tiger Misery… — 2020-07-23

Bengal Tiger Misery…

Duke & Daisy hatch their escape from Mexico…

Dear Nellie Cat

We’ve heard rumours about you fixing things for cats. Well, does this mean you can fix stuff for all cats, cats like us? Big cats like us?

Me an’ my sister, we’re two Bengal tigers, we’ve been prisoners now for over ten years in this Mexican zoo. We gotta get outta here coz we’re goin’ crazy. We just sit around all day in this miserable stinking hole, while holiday folk in their fancy hats just stand there staring with their stupid smiles. Both of us find it demeaning an’ it’s not what we’re supposed to do, we’re the top-notch of all cats an’ we got some seriously historic breeding in us.

Me, one day I’m surely gonna get myself outta here, but I’m worried about my big sister Daisy.

Continue reading
Steady Eddie or The Lure of Fresh Fish? — 2020-07-01

Steady Eddie or The Lure of Fresh Fish?

42B3DF23-00AD-4C23-BBF5-FBE89FDD66F3

Pebbles from Coventry is worried! Paul or new man Tim… who seems to mysteriously disappear…


Dear Nellie Cat

Hoping you or one of your angels can help me – you see I’ve got myself into a bit of a situation and I don’t know what to do.

I’ve been with my owner Eddie for three years and in the beginning it was great, he was affectionate, always checking I was happy, buying me little gifts – nothing was too much trouble for my comfort. But gradually, over the years, he seems to care less and less. He was almost taking me for granted. There’s not so many belly rubs, I get those cheap brands of food from discount stores and the gifts have all but dried up.

Continue reading
Mollie, The Moggie From Manchester… — 2018-07-18

Mollie, The Moggie From Manchester…

Mollie, the Moss Side Moggie has a terrible dilemma…

Dear Nellie

You have to know I’m desperate, I don’t know what to do. Now I am four years old, a lone female moggy-cat living on the streets ever since my owner lost his job. He said he could no longer afford to keep me, and that I must quickly go. It took a while for me to realise I wasn’t loved anymore, the first sign was when I was let out the apartment one nighttime without my food, then told to go find my own. Often, I had to sit outside the door waiting to be let in, usually in the cold pouring rain when sometimes I would sit in the shelter of the dustbins until daylight. I never found much food outside because I’ve always been an indoor cat, I don’t have those hunting instincts like other cats – when I did catch a mouse or a little insect, nearly every time they escaped. Other cats laughed because I was so bad.

As time went by, I got so hungry, I chewed my own tail…

Continue reading