The Ship’s Cat

Feline Agony Angels

King Murray’s Not A Happy Murray — 2021-06-16

King Murray’s Not A Happy Murray

The Ship’s Cat - King Murray

There’s trouble on the street – Might There be a lynching...?

Dear Nellie Cat

You can fix this Nellie, I’m counting’ on you. You know me, I’m a reasonable cat, I just wanna be king, king of my street. I’ve worked hard all my life to be king, but it’s that damn cat Scratchy.

I don’t never cause no trouble, you know that, an’ I don’t expect no trouble back. I get to go thru all the doors on my street coz every owner knows who I am, I’m Murray, king of my street, I’m King Murray. Someone’s gotta be king an’ I’m easily the best cat to do it. That Scatchy, he’s no king, he just wants to be king when he’s got no right to be king. What makes him think he can be king when he don’t even look like a king, he ain’t got the walk an’ he can’t talk the talk. He ain’t no king an’ I don’t wan’ him to be king. There’s some cat talk on the street of a lynchin’, a hangin’, an’ that lynchin’ might be me Nellie.

I need your help Nellie, will you help me stay king? Will you help me be king and always be king? Can you help me hide from that Scratchy…?

King Murray

The Midlands, June 2021

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Hey! It’s Me! Your Ship’s Captain! — 2021-05-23

Hey! It’s Me! Your Ship’s Captain!

Nellie Cat’s Captain ain’t a happy Captain…

Look here, Nellie Cat…

Where’s my ship’s cat? You supposed to be on this ship catchin’ vermin. That’s your job, you should’na be gallivantin’ around doin’ what you’re doin’, you should be here catchin’ this ship’s vermin’.

I got vermin runnin’ all over this ship, an’ I got no ship’s cat to catch em! An’ my missus, she’s missin’ her pet cat she talks to all day an’ now she’s taken to talkin’ to me. You got no right to be not doin’ your job an’ messin’ with that cat talk, along with them two Mexican cats you met down in the harbour. What d’you think you’re playin’ at eh? You think anyone’s gonna listen to a cat?

So get to fixin’ this Nellie Cat, get back here onboard this ship an’ get things sorted. You got no right to be sortin’ other cats when you’re supposed to be here catchin’ all this vermin…

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My Name’s Kenny… and I’m an Addict! — 2021-05-20

My Name’s Kenny… and I’m an Addict!

Is there a way out for poor Kenny..?

Dear Nellie Cat

I’ve been told by my local dustbin cat that you’re the cat to turn to. Me, I’m a thieving cat… and I’m an addict.

These words took a lot for me to say and a long time for me to say them. For the last year I’ve tried to ignore my addiction, trying to convince myself it was something I could control. But things turned when I took to stealing, I stole my next-door friend’s play fish from right inside his owner’s house. Only then did I realise how the dreamworld I grew up in was gone, how I must find the courage to face the look of shame in my eyes. It’s that catnip Nellie, it sends me wild. It drives me insane.

Being a thief AND an addict made me finally see how far I’ve fallen, no cat should ever fall like I’ve fallen…

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Please Help! I Got No Insurance… — 2021-05-13

Please Help! I Got No Insurance…

Do you know a good insurance man…?

Dear Nellie Cat

Oh Nellie, I’m beside myself with worry, I’ve just found out my owner didn’t pay the pet insurance.

I was lying on the veterinary’s table, she was fixing my girly glands and happened to mentioned to my owner it was gonna be expensive. I was gonna need an anaesthetic and an operation, and even be kept in the pet hospital a few days. I’m in so much pain Nellie, I was desperate for an operation, I need the operation to be myself again. Then my whole world collapsed.

Right in front of my eyes it all just collapsed, it just fell apart like that. My owner told the veterinary that he’d not paid the pet insurance. The veterinary stopped right there, she put down her cutting knife and told my owner that she had bills to pay too you know. My owner asked what bills – and the veterinary told him about her kid’s school fees and husband’s car payments, then she explained about their new house mortgage and their holiday. My owner told her he’d not had a holiday in twenty years.

What do I do Nellie? I’m gonna be a crippled cat with no pet insurance. Can you help me Nellie, can you help me find some all-inclusive comprehensive pet insurance…?

Nimbo from Newcastle

May 2021

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Siamese! She Knows Everything — 2021-05-10

Siamese! She Knows Everything

Siamese The Ships Cat

One more sense makes Shabby one sensible Cat…

Dearest Nellie Cat

Ten-thousand years it’s taken us Siamese to hone our feline instincts Nellie, now we are forever using our six senses to help poor owners who only have five. Our sixth sense might be good for spotting which owners are a soft touch and which ones are dog lovers, but every Siamese will tell you how tiring it is keeping all six senses together while still finding time to sleep our eighteen hours. We do our best Nellie, but with owners having five and those stupid dogs three, it can be back-breaking work making sure we’re loved and adored by Kind Old Ladies.

Every cat I talk to nowadays complains about how hard it is to find a Kind Old Lady. It’s the topic of every cat conversation, just like owners who bang on about the weather. Cats bemoan this sixth sense challenge as tho it was a chore deliberately sent from dog alley, sixth sense this and six sense that, dog this and puppy that, lots of dispirited downhearted Siamese I know talk about nothing else.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking why is this Siamese beefing about how hard it is to use all six senses. The thing is Nellie, my reason for writing to you, is that I have seven.

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